October 29-October 31, 2013
Day 29, Healing-This boy.
It is not Reid's job to heal me, he doesn't replace his sister & his life doesn't make her loss any less painful. In fact, sometimes it's quite the opposite. Seeing him grow, develop and to learn more of his crazy personality makes our loss more real, as if it weren't real enough. With Reid here we now know what we are missing. It isn't only the baby girl that I grieve; it's her first steps, kindergarten, high school, first boyfriend, teenage drama, her dad walking her down the aisle. We miss her entire future.
But this boy...there are no words for him. He's crazy, he's full of personality, he is my saving grace. I stayed healthy in the year following Ruthie Lou leaving us, ONLY because of him. For 37 weeks I ate, slept, exercised, journaled, so that my mind, body and soul could be healthy. For him. I would often tell him while in my belly and even now, it is not his job to take care of mama's heart. But oh boy, he sure fills it full. I believe he chose us as Ruthie Lou did, he knew the special family he was joining and I'm certain he knew her, too.
I wake up each morning so grateful, I snuggle this boy so tight I never want to let him go. He is as challenging as any other toddler but through the sleepless nights and piles of laundry, this boy has healed parts of me that I never thought could be repaired. There will always be a part of my heart missing, but this sweet boy, he brings a smile to my face and so much joy to my heart. He is my whole world.
I am a mama of three beautiful babes; two boys I have the honor of raising and my daughter who lived for 33 sacred days.